Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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