well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
