last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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