yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
