I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
