i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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