dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
