I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize