i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
