he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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