I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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