something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
