u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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