I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize