rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
