What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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