Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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