She announced her abortion via fbk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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