sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
