i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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