alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
