I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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