I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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