WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't think brook has ever known best
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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