I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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