he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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