At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
