Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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