It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
