sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
