Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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