I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
