my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
