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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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