In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
