There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
