The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
