I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
