How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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