soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
