i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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