Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
