so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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