that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
