Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
