I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
