Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
