his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
