what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
