Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
