He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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