I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
