she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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