I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
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you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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