Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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