I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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