I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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