.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
