dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wish my penis had a tongue
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
