he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
