i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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