Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
