masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
