I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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