need another drink. this is the easiest way
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
