she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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