She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i now understand why vodka
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
