The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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