You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
