This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
