I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
