new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
