THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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