You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
