Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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