you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
