Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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