I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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