Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
