Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
