My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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