You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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