heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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