uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
