Yo dont text me then not text me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
