Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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